First things first.

I'm happy. Every thing is g double o d, good. Although the last week and a half has been rough, I put myself back together. I am content where I stand. Family, school, friends, and love. Goooood!



I have so much to say but I haven't had the time. I'll probably blog over the weekend or something.

Life is too short.

Prepare for the worst. I called the house today to tell my parents I was gonna be home in an hour or so.. My dad answered telling me to come home. I didn't understand why, it was still early.. Then he said, "your cousin went to Boracay with your brother, and he drowned." My jaw dropped. My brother is in the Philippines for three weeks visiting. Even though I haven't talked nor seen my cousin for about four years now, I still remember a lot. Every time I went to visit the Philippines, he would stay home and chill with me while all my other cousins went to school. He would take me to all of his basketball games, and watch the Philippines NBA. He taught me how to play mahjong, and would laugh because I couldn't understand when some of our relatives would talk to me. I miss him, and losing him really makes me want to go back to visit everyone.

So I guess my brother, brother-in-law, and two cousins went to the resort together for a couple of days. They were gonna leave to go back home today. My brother went out for a jog, brother-in-law stayed in the hotel room, and my two cousins went to the beach to take a swim before leaving. My cousin went in too deep, I guess, and my other cousin was too small to try to save him so he ran to get my brother and my brother-in-law. My brother was the one who dove in the water to get my cousin.. Tried CPR and every thing, but it was too late.

I feel the worst for my brother because he hasn't been back there for about 12 years now, and it was supposed to be a fun trip for him.. but the outcome was my cousin drowning.

As I was driving home, I realized that we all have to open our eyes and appreciate every thing around us. Tell the people we love how much we love them and appreciate them because they're not always gonna be around. My cousin was only twenty two or twenty three, not married, and had a good head on his shoulders. Going to school, making it big with basketball, every thing.



RIP Kuya "Budden".
January 22, 2008.

For you to notice.

As much as I don't like the Warriors, heres a picture of me about ten feet away from Monte and Baron. Hahah. Just wanted to brag about it. Jeanine was able to get us first row seats! That's right. ;]

Once you realize, it'll be too late.

You don't miss your water until your water runs dry. I hate that saying, only because it's so true. Don't you hate having something, but not realizing how good it is til' it's gone? When you have it, you don't really want it, and don't care too much for it, right? But when you know it's not there anymore, and you can no longer call it 'yours', that's when you want it. At that moment, you realize that it might have been what you wanted all along, but never appreciated it til' it was gone. It's the same situation when you want something, but when it's given to you, you don't want it anymore. Maybe it's because we're all selfish. We want every thing to our selves. We don't take advantage of the opportunities given to us, until we've already missed them. We think that just because it was ours at one point, it's gonna be ours forever. Damn do I hate these mind games. Sometimes, we only start trying when we know that the one good thing we've had all along is slipping through our fingers. We only try hard, and start working for it when it finally hits us that it's not always gonna be there, and that we're losing something good. A lot of times, we're too late on the realization. And sometimes, we just never get a second chance to do things differently. Take good care of the best things in life while it's still there, because hey, good things don't last forever. Get me? Being human is so inhumane. Our minds are always playing tricks on us. Maybe we just gotta think about what we really want.


You know what else I hate? When people beat around the bush. I rather be hurt over truth, then be happy with a lie. Honesty, please. Don't hurt others to keep your guard up. Truthfully, you have to put your pride aside sometime, to get what you want, or to keep what you already have. Who gives a fuck if you feel like a bitch? Atleast you'll end up with a good thing. Show how you truly feel. Quit the fronts. We all do stupid things, but why don't we ever think twice about it? We know what's right, but we tend to do what's wrong. Like Kanye said, "Why does everything that’s supposed to be bad make me feel so good?" Why is it that the bad things we do, make us feel so good about ourselves? Karma's a fucking bitch, but revenge feels so damn sweet, don't it? All the bad decisions we make don't hurt us until we're placed in the same situation. I guess sometimes it's a matter of putting yourself in someone elses shoes. We all know damn right that it hurts like hell to be put in the same position we put someone else in. We know two wrongs don't make a right, but why don't we realize that at the time it actually matters? And why is it that we always blame people for our pain? (Hah, I read your blog, Cheryl.) It's true. But you know what? Maybe we are at blame for that pain. Many times, we're the ones who did the wrong to get the pain. Afterall, you get what you deserve, right? So before you blame someone else for your pain, think. Rewind, it was probably you that messed up. And if you know you're fuckin up, that's even worse. FIX IT. Actually, don't even do it. And seriously, fuck the games already. Fight for what you want. Fight for the right, instead of doing wrong. Fight for something worth your while. Lastly, If you're gonna be here, stay here. Be constant. No bullshit that's only gonna be momentary. Don't waste my time. Thank you.


PS. "I love where I'm at, but I miss where I've been." -Jeanine.

Game recognize game.

Haha, I don't know what the heck I blogged last night, but let's just pretend I never said that stuff.

The best deceptions.

It's about to be 3AM, and I'm still up. I always find myself not tired around this time. Well school starts on Monday. Oh boyyy. Finals, finals, finals. That basically means no going out until finals are done with. I need to get caught up with some homework before this weekend is over. Damn, I've been waking up around 2 or 3 every day since I got back from my vacation. I feel like a bum. I seriously need to find a job. I sleep hella late, wake up hella late, chill for a bit, then the same routine. Last night wasn't a waste of time though. There were parties, but you know those times when you rather just chill instead of party? Yeah, I had one of those days. EmmaKristine, Markie, Jimmy, and I bought hella snacks at Safeway, and just went back to Kristine and Markie's house to chill and watch a movie. "Whose Your Catty" was coo. Hella funny. Ate hella popcorn with cheese and jalepenos. Haha, got those boys into eating that shit. I had fun even though we didn't really do much.


As I sit here infront of my computer screen, with nothing to do at this time of morning, I find myself wanting to blog. I really don't know what about so I'll just say whatever. Damn, does time go by fast. I hate that word sometimes. Time. You know how they say, "time heals all wounds"? Is that really true? Does it really heal ALL wounds, or make some hurt even more? I found that sometimes, time makes you realize a lot and what you realize can make you hurt more because of time. You wait to long to try to fix the mistakes that you have made, but you're too late. Get me? I don't really know if I make sense. Don't get me wrong though. Time does heal wounds, but I guess not all. Okay. I really don't know what I'm saying. I guess i'm saying that time isn't always the best option. Step up before it's too late.


Ever wish that things weren't so complicating sometimes? We all have that in common. But you know what?Maybe these complications are the best things in life. I once heard, "the thorns on a rose are more beautiful than the rose itself." I guess we're always complaining about the complications and fuck ups, instead of appreciating them. All our mistakes and flaws make us who we are, am I right? And in any situation, the difficulties are what develop the outcome, right? Mistakes are good. Afterall, all the negative thangs are what lead us to the final destination. You get me? Imagine life being so fuckin' easy. You know we all want that sometimes. No drama, no regrets, no mistakes, every thing just be all good. It's not as good as it seems. Usually, we are thankful for all the good things in life, but why not the bad? All the trials and tribulations bring you to the best places. The best things are those worth fighting for, right? Ultimately, I'm saying that you gotta work to get where you wanna go, and to have what you want. You can't just have it like that, you know? The ride in life is pretty much the best part. That's where all the goodshit and badshit happen.


I guess this all leads to relationships. If you want to be with someone, then you have to realize you have to work for it. Don't expect it to be easy because it's never like that. Don't give up just because you're tired of it. Honestly, if you try hard enough, it'll all be worth it in the end. And when you two are both where you want to be, you'll look back and realize, it was worth the fight. All the shit you guys went through, got you to where you wanted to be, am I right? So appreciate the arguements, drama, and mistakes. And don't give up just because it's a bumpy ride. Oh and with the time thing, step up before it's too late.


Don't mind me. It's 4 already. This blog is not making any sense, but I just feel like I needed to vent a little bit. Had a lot on my mind today. Night folks!

"Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need."

Give me something worth fighting for.

I hate when people come in and out of my life. Fuck, it's either stay, or don't ever come back. Giving second chances is my weakness, and I hate it. I need something that'll be constant. I need someone whose gonna be there, and not up and leave during fucked up times. I know, that was me at a point, but it's not like that anymore. I hate stupid unnecessary arguements that can be avoided. I hate giving someone what they ask for, but when it's given to them, they don't want it anymore. I HATE THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. I hate people who think they can have the best of both worlds. At some point, you're gonna have to figure out what you want. I hate being asked, "what do you want?" constantly after I've said it over a hundred times, and it's always been the same response. I hate people who are still living in the past. I hate when people argue about the past. Fuck, it's over already. You can't do anything about it so get the fuck over it. I hate people who front. I hate people who confuse comfort with happiness. I hate people who don't think. I hate people who know they're fuckin up, but they don't do anything about it. Fuck, open your damn eyes. I hate when people don't pull through with their shit. If you say you're gonna do something, do it.


I just need someone whose gonna be down for me. No unnecessary arguements. No breaking up every other day. I need someone whose gonna be there, even through the bullshit. No revenge bullshit. No saying shit just to get the other person mad. Someone who doesn't break promises, and does what they say they're gonna do. No fuckin' doubts. Trust and no games. Someone who can prove to me that they're worth the fight. Then i'll give my heart.To sum it up, just no fuckin' bullshit.


Figure out what you want. You can't have the best of both worlds. Let me know.

-------------
Honestly, I don't need your bullshit.


"So don't try to run up on my ear talking all that raspy shit, tryna ask me shit."

Wake up call.

Damn. 2008. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. And damn, my little games really do need to stop. 2007 was filled with games. Every single time. I honestly thought I could handle my shit, but hey, the game ended up playing me. All those times people told me, "No more games," I still continued to do it. In return, I got a fuckin' dose of reality. I guess that's where my stubborn-ness comes in. I'm hella hard-headed, and I don't listen. That leads to how I don't appreciate what I have, til it's not there anymore. I guess I was so used to everyone spoiling me that I always wanted everything my way.. and when I didn't get my way, all hell broke loose. I look back and realize how stupid I was. I didn't handle any situation in the right manner. From friendships to relationsips, it had to be my way or no way. It was so hard to cooperate with me because I was so fricken' selfish, and I was so stubborn that I never wanted to compromise. I guess all of this tells everyone that I'm insecure, and that's why I doubt people all the time. That's why I always shut people out of my life, and just leave it to that.

But this year is gonna be totally different. I mean it this time when I say "no more games". Honestly, I hate the way I was.. Thus, I'm gonna get my priorities straight. No more of being so damn stubborn, and no more wanting every thing my way. More cooperation and compromise, rather than "no way or my way". I need to start being more appreciative of what I have, instead of always thinking about what I don't.

Speaking of priorities.. I really need to start concentrating on school. I've been so damn lazy these past couple of weeks. I barely do any work anymore. That's where I'm fuckin up. I seriously think I'm gonna cut down on going out. No more doing stupid shit either. Really. It's getting me fucked up and caught up. I think my mom looks at me different now too. Always coming home drunk, or not even coming home sometimes. I guess that shit has to go too.

So pretty much, this year I'm gonna try to fix a lot of things. No more games and no more stupid shit. It'll be different this year. I'm not saying I'm gonna stop having all that fun, but I do really need to change the shit that I've been doing.



"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -Oprah.